Bits ‘N Bytes April 2015

mgkilbride Ministering to the Minister

BitsNBytes2014April 2015

Seven Things God Won’t Ask You When You See Him Face to Face

  1. God won’t ask what kind of car you drove. He will ask how many people you drove who didn’t have transportation.
  2. God won’t ask the square footage of your house, He will ask how many people you welcomed into your home.
  3. God won’t ask what your highest salary was. He will ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.
  4. God won’t ask what your job title was. He will ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.
  5. God won’t ask how many friends you had. He will ask how many people to whom you were a friend.
  6. God won’t ask in what neighborhood you lived, He will ask how you treated your neighbors.
  7. God won’t ask about the color of your skin, He will ask about the content of your character.

Spanish Class

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

“House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa.”

“Pencil,” however, is masculine: “el lapiz.”A student asked, “What gender is ‘computer’?”

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (“la computadora”) because:

  1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
  2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
  3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; and
  4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine (“el computador”) because:

  1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
  2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves.
  3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, they ARE the problem; and
  4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.


Making Sure They Heard You Right

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game.

As he was running onto the field to take his position the boy said to his girlfriend, “Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year.”

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, “That’s the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. But regardless of how you said it, I accept.”


Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist:

While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water–whether it was half-full or half-empty–I drank it.

Signed,

The Opportunist


Check out these interesting sites:

http://www.christianministriesintl.org – Resources for the church

http://www.thepreacherscoach.com – Looking for a Preaching Coach?


Time to Ask Myself… Am I Teachable? (Part 4 of 5)
James MacDonald – Senior Pastor – Harvest Bible Chapel

A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool – Proverbs 17:10.

I believe that God speaks to us through His Word, His Spirit, and His people. In the times of my life when I’ve needed some course correction, most often I’ve heard His Word coming through someone who cared enough and loved me enough to sit down with me and say, “There’s something you need to change.”

Are you a teachable person? Proverbs 17:10 says, “A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.” In other words, you can get more ROI (Return on Investment) from a wise person in one gentle conversation than you can gain from a fool by whacking him with a board a hundred times. Which are you?

If you’re not sure how you rate on the teachability meter, take this five-point quiz:

  1. I know I’m teachable when I don’t have to criticize back. The classic symptom of an unteachable person is that they will listen to what you say; all the while framing their comeback, “Now let me tell you something . . .” Can you keep your defenses down and pride in check?

Are you teachable? Ask someone who knows you well for their honest evaluation. And take their response to heart.


[Dale Flynn and his wife, Liz, are Word of Life Local Church Ministries missionaries in Eastern MD.  Dale is a Local Church Ministries curriculum editor and is the editor of this Ministering to the Minister E-Transfer national electronic Pastor’s newsletter.  The Flynns make their home in Elkton, MD. Questions or comments about this article may be addressed to Dale at: DFlynn@wol.org. ]